Better Than Me
by ladyenterprise
Summary: Post New Moon. This is a songfic about how Edward felt when he left Bella and the agony he wishes she could have avoided.


Okay. Now everyone who is reading my other stories is probably screaming at me, "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO START ANOTHER STORY??? YOU ALREADY HAVE 3 OTHERS THAT NEED TO BE UPDATED!!!" but the truth is….the one my friend and I are working on is sort of suspended right now because I am tired of converting it into normal-speak. So that one will start up again later. And I'm writing on "The Perfect Summer" but I haven't typed it up yet, and I'm having difficulty making it turn out the way I want it to. And truthfully..I haven't even started on the second chapter of "This Is How the Cullens Do It" so you all would still be waiting anyways. Oh, and just so nobody yells at me, I'm putting up a disclaimer on my profile. Cuz I always forget to put it up here…………… Oh yes…So this is my first songfic. Feel free to tell me I suck, because I probably do. So…READ!!! (And review. Please?)

_Bellabookworm9_

**Disclaimer: (I almost forgot to put this up here, AGAIN!) I don't own any of the characters, or the song. They have their own owners. Don't sue me. I only have twenty-two dollars and seventy-two cents!**

_By the way, this is written in Edward's point of view._

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was lying next to my angel, watching her chest rise and fall with every breath she took. The breath that was keeping her alive.

We had been discussing what it was like for her when I left. We both knew that we had been tortured by each other's absence. But we had never really talked about it. Never said exactly how it felt to be away from the other, believing that we were not loved by the one person we could ever truly want.

"How did you feel?" she asked, her beautiful voice music to my over-sensitive ears.

"It was terrible. Every day, every hour, every second was torture." I couldn't believe I had done this to her.

I think you can do much better than me 

**After all the lies that I made you believe**

On her face was a look of understanding. It hurt like hell for me to see that she understood the level of pain I had felt. She didn't need to know what that felt like.

"Go on." She said, an encouraging look on her face. And she said _I _dazzled _her_.

"It's….hard to explain. I was constantly tortured. I can't go back. It was like a mantra. I repeated it over and over in my head, trying to convince myself that you had probably moved on."

**Guilt kicks in and I start to see**

**The edge of the bed**

**Where your nightgown used to be**

**I told myself I won't miss you**

**But I remembered**

**What it feels like beside you**

And I was lost in the memory of the pain that no being—alive or dead—should have to experience.

**I really miss your hair in my face**

**And the way your innocence tastes**

**And I think you should know this**

**You deserve much better than me**

As my face allowed some of that pain—it was impossible to express all of it—my angel wrapped her wonderfully warm arms around my neck and whispered in my ear, "It's okay, Edward. We're together now. Forever." And I was shocked at how much that was true. She really was mine. Forever.

I remembered just the other day, when I had pulled up the floorboard that held all of the things I had removed from her room the day I left, thinking it would be better if she had nothing to remind her of me.

**While looking through your old box of notes**

**I found those pictures I took**

**That you were looking for**

**If there's one memory I don't want to lose**

**That time at the mall**

**You and me in the dressing room**

Little did I know, I, quite possibly, made it indefinitely worse. I had just ruined the life that I though I was giving her the chance to live.

**I told myself I won't miss you**

**But I remembered**

**What it feels like beside you**

**I really miss your hair in my face**

**And the way your innocence tastes**

**And I think you should know this**

**You deserve much better than me**

All at once, the memories came again. I was beyond regretful the first month after I left her. The complete agony of her absence was making me depressed. By this time, I had been searching for Victoria for about a week and a half—with no success. I was pretty much just wallowing in self-pity. I couldn't believe I had done this to myself. I never should have done it. But I did. I left her.

**The bed I'm lying in is getting colder**

**Wish I never would've said it's over**

**And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older**

**Cause we never really had our closure**

**This can't be the end**

**I really miss your hair in my face**

**And the way your innocence tastes**

**And I think you should know this**

**You deserve much better than me**

**I really miss your hair in my face**

**And the way your innocence tastes**

**And I think you should know this**

**You deserve much better than me**

"Edward, I love you." My angel said.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So how did you like it? Please, please, please review!!! (please?) I want to know if I sucked or not!!! The idea for this just came to me while I was camping this weekend (I know. But it was my brother's birthday. And I got to bring a friend!!!) and I was listening to this song (It's "Better Than Me" by Hinder by the way.) and thinking how awesome this dude's voice sounds when it hit me. This sounds like Edward! When he was missing Bella when he left her!!! I know. Corny. But it's true! (And then we were attacked by some sort of rabid squirrel thing.) So blame my iPod if this sounds totally crazy.

_Bellabookworm9_

_**(REVIEW YOU SCALAWAG!!!!)**_


End file.
